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kaasirpent: (Spam)
Tuesday, December 29th, 2015 11:35 am


Oh, god, not this crap ag—I mean Hey look! It's more Spam Poetry™!

So, what happens is, periodically, I receive enough spam on one or more of my email accounts that some of the subject lines leap out at me as a kind of poetry in and of themselves. I arrange them, but don't change them (other than to remove the occasional long string of nonsense). To create Art™*

* For some values of 'art.'

So, without further ado . . .

I call this one Gibberish for what will become obvious reasons. At least my Spammers offer a respite and encouragement. Warning: If you read any of these languages, I apologize for any offense that might occur. I have no idea what most of them say.

Learn a language with only 5 minutes per day
J'adore m'amuser avec des garçons
Ia parte la proiecte de succes alaturi de antreprenori romani!
Quà Tặng Chúc Mừng Năm Mới 2016
Поздравляем Вас с Новым годом!
(광고)초대박~ 무료 영화다운로드 쿠폰이 이곳에~! 나만의 쿠폰 선물&홍보 이벤트!
بمقدم 20% امتلك شقتك باب
《2015 GF雙誕嘉年華》精選遊戲送好康!一同迎向2016
Cizme imblanite U. G. G. cu Livrare 24H in Romania
สุขสันต์วันปีใหม่ แด่สมาชิกMG
جشنواره فروش به مدت 4 روز
Bem-vindo ao Ludijogos
Serviço de tradução
vouloir baiser ce soir?

Good Job!!!!!


This next piece I call Stalker. SarAnnabElla is the kind that'll boil your rabbit. (Is that a thing people say? The last time I said it, I got odd looks . . .)


Hello there
i found you :)

1 InstaSextMsg Waiting
1 HotH00kup Waiting
1 Sl*tty Friend Alert
1 InstaSextMsg Waiting
You Have 1 SexiSnap Notification
Check out your friend Annabelle
1 New InstaCheat Alert
1 New InstaAffair Alert
1 New LocalSlutAlert
You Have 1 InstaDateRequest
You Have 1 InstaH00kup Request
1 BangBuddy Alert is Waiting for You
You Have 1 New Christmas InstaQuickie Alert
1 Pending Hookup Alert
1 Pending Hookup Alert
1 New F*ckbuddy Waiting for You
1 New SnapBangMsg
You Have 1 InstaH00kup Request
You Have 7 F*ckFriends Waiting
1 New SnapHookup Alert
1 New InstaAffair Alert
You Have 7 InstaH00kup Requests
You Have 1 New InstaB00tyCall
1 New Christmas InstaSexMatch
1 InstaSextMsg Waiting
1 New SnapHookup Alert
1 Unread F*ckbuddy Message
5 Pending F*ckBuddyNow Alerts
Check out your friend Ella
1 New Christmas InstaHookup Alert
1 New Christmas InstaAffair Alert
1 New Christmas InstaSexMatch
You Have 1 Christmas SexiSnap Notification
1 New Christmas SnapHookupMsg
You Have 1 Christmas InstaH00kup Request
1 New Christmas InstaHookup Alert
1 Christmas Pending Hookup Alert
1 New Christmas SnapHookup Alert
1 Christmas Pending Hookup Alert
New Christmas F#ckBuddy Alert Pending
1 New Christmas InstaHookup Alert
1 Sl*tty Friend Alert
Unread Flirt Message From Sarah
You Have 1 New Christmas InstaQuickie Alert
1 New Christmas SnapF#ck Alert
1 New SnapHookup Alert
1 New Christmas InstaCheat Alert
1 New Christmas SexiSnap Alert
New Find F#ckFriends Alert
Are You Down for Right Now?
Are You Down for Right Now?
Are You Down for Right Now?

i found you
WILL YOU MARRY ME?


Creeeeeepy! I think "Annabelle" or "Ella" or "Sarah" or whatever she's calling herself during this 10-minute period needs to get a hobby. Or perhaps a prescription for . . . something. Other than Spanish fly. (Is that even still a thing? Does this date me?)

Finally, I'll call this one Success! I'm glad to know my Spammers are looking out for my overall well-being. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Or that might be heartburn. Anyhoo . . .


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This has been Spam Poetry™. I hope you enjoyed it as much as my Spammers enjoyed bringing it to you. Stay tuned here for more "fine" "art" from spam domains in Brazil, Japan, Korea, Russia, and Thailand! (Among many, many others.)
kaasirpent: (WriteWright)
Saturday, July 9th, 2011 09:16 pm

The Idea

The Idea

It never fails. When I really really should be doing something else, that’s when ideas come to me.

Alternatively, they come to me when I can least do anything about them, like while I’m in the shower or driving. Luckily, keeping a notepad and pencil in the shower (hey, don’t judge me) and a digital voice recorder in the car have solved those particular problems.

Today, I need to finish something else up. But I keep getting side tracked by this little voice in my head.

Every year, I participate in NaNoWriMo, which if you do a little looking around on this site, you’ll find several references to. The goal during National Novel Writing Month is to write a complete novel of 50,000+ words in just the 30 days of November. You can plan and plot and world-build and character-develop all you want before that; but the entirety of the words of the novel itself must be composed between midnight of November 1st and midnight of December 1st.

Last year, I ripped NaNoWriMo a new one, to put it indelicately. I wrote 78,000 words, then went on to write another 15,000 words or so to get my time travel novel (Killing Time) done.

But this year, I have four unfinished novels, dammit. I don’t need to start another one. But I want to participate. And yeah, I could use the month to concentrate on finishing one of the unfinished novels, but…well, I don’t want to. I think part of the fun of NaNoWriMo is the thrill of writing something new.

For the last month or so on the podcasts Escape Pod, PodCastle, and PseudoPod, they have run promos for a series of 34 stories co-written by four well-known authors (Tim Pratt, Jenn Reese, Heather Shaw, and Greg van Eekhout) that are collectively called “The Alphabet Quartet.” Each story title starts with a different letter of the alphabet.

You may be wondering two things right now. One: Why are there 34 stories if there are only 26 letters in the English alphabet? Two: What do all these disparate, seemingly unrelated facts have to do with the price of tallow in Ecuador? I’ll take those in order.

One: There are 34 because although there were originally 26, some of them were published elsewhere, and the magazine that agreed to publish them (Daily Science Fiction) wanted original works, so the quartet wrote brand new ones to replace the ones that had already been published elsewhere. But those of us who contribute to one of the three Escape Artists podcasts (listed above) get all 34. Because we’re special.

Two: I’m about to tie it all together. Stand back. Watch me.

I’ve been trying to come up with some ideas lately for shorter works that I can play with. Stuff that doesn’t require a bunch of world-building, character development, and plotting. When I heard about the Alphabet Quartet, my brain seized on the idea of writing 26 stories, each one beginning with a different letter of the alphabet. It was a cute idea. I filed it away.

A day or two later, a rhyme from Sesame Street long past (which was also featured in the film E. T.: The Extra-Terrestrial) popped into my head: “A is for Apple. B is for Ball. C is for Cat that sits on the wall.”1 It played over and over in my head.

Eventually, I put the ideas together. To wit: I should write 26 short stories, each beginning with a different letter of the alphabet, but the titles themselves should make a little doggerel rhyme of that sort.

I jotted down a few ideas in Evernote. I tried to come up with single-word titles beginning with each of the 26 letters of the alphabet in such a way that each three-letter combination formed a ‘stanza.’ But the words had to be evocative; that is, they have to conjure up several ideas. They have to give me a spark. And I have to be able to rhyme the final word of the third line of each stanza with the second title. Think that sounds easy? I’m not a poet. :)

Oh, here. This will explain it better than I’m doing.

A is for Apothecary,
B is for Bard;
C is for Clowns that creep through the yard.

D is for Dragon,
E is for Earth;
F is for Forgetting what some things are worth.

G is for Graveside,
H is for Him;
I is for Innocence wrapped up in sin.

J is for Justice,
K is for Kiss;
L is for Lightning: a strike or a miss.

etc. You get the idea.

The third line of each stanza will give a clue to what that letter’s story should be about. And I’m not saying that these are by any means the final choices. Each alphabet word gives me a number of ideas. I especially like “C is for Clown” and “U is for Uranus.” Those are the two for which more or less complete story ideas popped instantly into my head.

So, the idea that came to me while I was trying to do something else—which then inspired me to write this post, which further keeps me from that something else—is that if I write 26 stories of about 2000 words each (on average), that’s more than enough words to win NaNoWriMo, and it gives me a finished “work,” even if it’s not a novel.

Now, if you remove the four days of holiday at the end of November (where we here in the US celebrate Thanksgiving)…well, golly! That equals 26, doesn’t it?

I think this sounds suspiciously like my brain done went and ambushed me with a plan! :)


  1. The irony of this is that I can find no reference of this anywhere on the Internet. I distinctly remember it, yet I’m probably wrong. It would be amusing in the extreme if my misfiring memory of something that never existed sparked this idea. When I get home, I’ll see if I can find ET and watch that sequence to see what it actually says. The one screen capture I saw online shows Drew Barrymore standing in front of a TV on which is displayed “B is for Banjo,” and it is on a wall.

Originally published at WriteWright. You can comment here or there.

kaasirpent: (WriteWright)
Sunday, February 13th, 2011 02:12 pm

©2009 by Zen Sutherland

"Stabbed Heart" © 2009 by Zen Sutherland

The Quillians, my writing group that meets each Monday on Second Life, were given a challenge by the group leader/moderator last week.

“Just for fun, and for those of you battling writer’s blockages of various sorts: Write an ANTI-Valentine’s Day poem (that is, not a typical romantic poem). Any length, any style. Have it ready to share at our Feb 14th meeting!

Have fun!”

Well, I ask you: how could I pass that up?

Now, there’s a reason I don’t usually write poetry…

The first thing I thought was, “Valentine’s Day. Love. What are some of the clichés about love that I can think of to parody?” I asked a friend to help me think of a few, and we came up with “can’t live without the other person,” “my other half,” “consumed by love,” “love is blind,” and “you stole my heart,” among others.

Then I thought about the format the poem would have to take. Well, Shakespeare wrote one of the most enduring ones, and it was a sonnet. And would therefore have to be in iambic pentameter, 14 lines long, and with a very strict rhyming scheme.

I could do that.

For several days I’ve been working on it. I now share with you my anti-Valentine’s Day sonnet “Mine eyes were ne’er to roving so inclined.” (In keeping with Shakespeare, the title is just the first line.)


Mine eyes were ne’er to roving so inclined,
But each contingency you sought to cull.
You quoth to me, “’Tis said that love is blind,”
Then left two empty sockets in my skull.

My love, you stole my heart away from me!
Our lives together destined to be blessed.
My lonely heart, you vowed to set it free,
And left a gaping wound within my chest.

Consumed by love I said was my desire,
Our souls entwined forever; two as one.
You tossed my lifeless corpse into a fire,
And then consumed my flesh upon a bun.

My death turned you into a necrovore,
And now we’ll be as one forevermore.


Did…I mention that there’s a reason I don’t normally write poetry? :)

Keep in mind that this is intended to be funny. It’s also written for a Fantasy and Science Fiction audience. And the sing-song rhythm is intentional and is intended to mimic the sound of a beating heart. Lub-DUB. Lub-DUB. Lub-DUB… (You know…an iamb?)

So…yeah. Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you from all of me. :)

Other entries from the same challenge: Nancy S.M. Waldman

Originally published at WriteWright. You can comment here or there.