kaasirpent: (Spam)
Tuesday, December 29th, 2015 11:35 am

Oh, god, not this crap ag—I mean Hey look! It's more Spam Poetry™!

So, what happens is, periodically, I receive enough spam on one or more of my email accounts that some of the subject lines leap out at me as a kind of poetry in and of themselves. I arrange them, but don't change them (other than to remove the occasional long string of nonsense). To create Art™*

* For some values of 'art.'

So, without further ado . . .

I call this one Gibberish for what will become obvious reasons. At least my Spammers offer a respite and encouragement. Warning: If you read any of these languages, I apologize for any offense that might occur. I have no idea what most of them say.

Learn a language with only 5 minutes per day
J'adore m'amuser avec des garçons
Ia parte la proiecte de succes alaturi de antreprenori romani!
Quà Tặng Chúc Mừng Năm Mới 2016
Поздравляем Вас с Новым годом!
(광고)초대박~ 무료 영화다운로드 쿠폰이 이곳에~! 나만의 쿠폰 선물&홍보 이벤트!
بمقدم 20% امتلك شقتك باب
《2015 GF雙誕嘉年華》精選遊戲送好康!一同迎向2016
Cizme imblanite U. G. G. cu Livrare 24H in Romania
สุขสันต์วันปีใหม่ แด่สมาชิกMG
جشنواره فروش به مدت 4 روز
Bem-vindo ao Ludijogos
Serviço de tradução
vouloir baiser ce soir?

Good Job!!!!!

This next piece I call Stalker. SarAnnabElla is the kind that'll boil your rabbit. (Is that a thing people say? The last time I said it, I got odd looks . . .)

Hello there
i found you :)

1 InstaSextMsg Waiting
1 HotH00kup Waiting
1 Sl*tty Friend Alert
1 InstaSextMsg Waiting
You Have 1 SexiSnap Notification
Check out your friend Annabelle
1 New InstaCheat Alert
1 New InstaAffair Alert
1 New LocalSlutAlert
You Have 1 InstaDateRequest
You Have 1 InstaH00kup Request
1 BangBuddy Alert is Waiting for You
You Have 1 New Christmas InstaQuickie Alert
1 Pending Hookup Alert
1 Pending Hookup Alert
1 New F*ckbuddy Waiting for You
1 New SnapBangMsg
You Have 1 InstaH00kup Request
You Have 7 F*ckFriends Waiting
1 New SnapHookup Alert
1 New InstaAffair Alert
You Have 7 InstaH00kup Requests
You Have 1 New InstaB00tyCall
1 New Christmas InstaSexMatch
1 InstaSextMsg Waiting
1 New SnapHookup Alert
1 Unread F*ckbuddy Message
5 Pending F*ckBuddyNow Alerts
Check out your friend Ella
1 New Christmas InstaHookup Alert
1 New Christmas InstaAffair Alert
1 New Christmas InstaSexMatch
You Have 1 Christmas SexiSnap Notification
1 New Christmas SnapHookupMsg
You Have 1 Christmas InstaH00kup Request
1 New Christmas InstaHookup Alert
1 Christmas Pending Hookup Alert
1 New Christmas SnapHookup Alert
1 Christmas Pending Hookup Alert
New Christmas F#ckBuddy Alert Pending
1 New Christmas InstaHookup Alert
1 Sl*tty Friend Alert
Unread Flirt Message From Sarah
You Have 1 New Christmas InstaQuickie Alert
1 New Christmas SnapF#ck Alert
1 New SnapHookup Alert
1 New Christmas InstaCheat Alert
1 New Christmas SexiSnap Alert
New Find F#ckFriends Alert
Are You Down for Right Now?
Are You Down for Right Now?
Are You Down for Right Now?

i found you

Creeeeeepy! I think "Annabelle" or "Ella" or "Sarah" or whatever she's calling herself during this 10-minute period needs to get a hobby. Or perhaps a prescription for . . . something. Other than Spanish fly. (Is that even still a thing? Does this date me?)

Finally, I'll call this one Success! I'm glad to know my Spammers are looking out for my overall well-being. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Or that might be heartburn. Anyhoo . . .

This is what to do in 2016 to make it BIG

  • 6th Annual Dream One World New Years Eve

  • A world away with Qatar Airways from 26,288,000 IRR. Book now!

  • True Love Right This Way...
    Very good method to ensure your love life
    Hookup Opportunity For You: Dating access pass granted
    Sleep with sex-addicts tonight

  • Donation

  • Fulfill your immediate fun requirement in 1 minute
    Dominos Online Super Value Offer: Buy 1 Pizza Get 1 Pizza Free Only TODAY
    Delightful Chicken Shawarmas! Order Now!

This has been Spam Poetry™. I hope you enjoyed it as much as my Spammers enjoyed bringing it to you. Stay tuned here for more "fine" "art" from spam domains in Brazil, Japan, Korea, Russia, and Thailand! (Among many, many others.)
kaasirpent: (Annoyed)
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012 03:35 pm
Thanks to a sudden, drastic uptick in the number of spam comments, I've temporarily(?) set my journal so that only people who are registered users of LiveJournal may comment, and anyone who is NOT a friend must fill out one of those annoying Captcha things. And anyone who is NOT a friend will have their comment automatically screened pending approval.

Sorry if that inconveniences anyone.
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Monday, October 1st, 2012 11:51 am
My spammers aren't even trying, anymore.

I've gotten a small rash of comments on LiveJournal in the last week that just make zero sense.

The purpose of a Spam comment on any sort of Internet forum-like thing is to get people to click the links and get infected by a virus, right?

So what person in their right mind would see something like one of these and think, "Oh, baby! I have to click that link right now!" [Note: Seen below exactly as they appeared except that I disabled the links by changing the http to an httQ, and inserted tree names into the link.]
Subject: bcxzmk beats baratos hrn2
PgsrAAXA [url=httQ://beatsbaratos.webnode.ELMes/]beats baratos[/url]
uqihMYOgv httQ://beatsbaratos.webnode.MAPLEes/
rxlioexfjc [url=httQ://beatsbaratos.webnode.BIRCHes/#2360]beats baratos[/url]
XZVvBotnr vmztuu [url=httQ://beatsbaratos.webnode.PINEes/]beats baratos[/url]

Subject: hlbgyi canada goose expedition parka wbm4
TfamSTAU [url=httQ://canada-goose-jacket.webgarden.SPRUCEcom/]canada goosejacket[/url]
pdgdPNMoo httQ://canadagoosevest.webgarden.CEDARcom/
djrofkduyx [url=httQ://canada-goose-jacket.webgarden.ASPENcom/#0646]canadagoose jacket[/url]
CZIbYrubi wbykro [url=httQ://canadagooseexpeditionparka.webgarden.WILLOWcom/]canada gooseexpedition parka[/url]
Clearly, my normally savvy spammers have retired to Bermuda with their millions of dollars in ill-gotten Internet-booty and left these rank amateurs to take over for them. Random strings of letters? Please. Links formatted for an online forum (such as Simple Machines) instead of LiveJournal? Pathetic!

Rookie mistakes, my friends. Rookie. Mistakes. Frankly, I expected better from my spammers. I thought they cared.

Note: I screen all comments that come from anyone not on my friends list, and collect IP addresses. So you won't have ever seen these crop up. But believe me, the frequency has increased, lately.
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Friday, March 23rd, 2012 04:04 pm
This post is about Spam. You may have gotten that from the ingeniously clever and subtle subject I worked very hard to craft.

Not too long ago—back in January, I believe—I was upset by the SOPA and PIPA thing. Enough so that I decided it was time to contact my congresscritters to give them a piece of my mind. Because I have so many to spare. (Pieces, that is. Of my mind.)

I used one of my several email accounts (myfullname@myisp.net) and wrote carefully worded emails to Senators Isakson (R - GA) and Chambliss (R - GA) and Representative Rob Woodall (R - GA).

Isakson and Chambliss ('s respective staffs) responded almost immediately with emails that actually addressed the subject of SOPA and PIPA. And that was the end of it. No more correspondences have been received from either of them since the responses to my original emails.

And then there's Representative Rob Woodall. Oh, Rob, Rob, Rob.

It took two extra weeks to get a response from Representative Rob Woodall (RRW for short). I guess his staff are less efficient, or perhaps they have more to do. I don't know and don't really care. The response I got back was . . . let's say, "only vaguely related to SOPA and PIPA."

And then, a week later, I got another one, that had nothing to do with SOPA/PIPA. And the day after that, another one. And two days after that, another one. And another one a week later.

In all, I've gotten one or two emails per week from RRW's office.

There was no "unsubscribe" link in any of them. It said at the bottom
If you have received this message in error, please disregard. Thank you.
I find it reprehensible that United States Code (Title 15, Chapter 303, Section 7704) requires unsolicited commercial emailers (That's Spammers to you and me, kids!) to include an opt-out or unsubscribe link right in the body of their Spam, but when I get email from a government official ('s staff), they're not. And the way they determine "unsolicited" is asinine. Apparently, since I contacted RRW, that makes it perfectly all right for him to automatically put my email onto some stupid Spam list.

So I visited his website and found an 'unsubscribe' link. Yay! I clicked it, gleefully. It had me fill out some information, and then I pressed a button and it was on its way! And now I would be—

<ding> You've got mail!

Hmm. It would appear that the 'unsubscribe' didn't work.
You are not subscribed to the NEWSLETTER-GA07 list under the address your message came from (myfullname@myisp.net). You are being mailed some additional information with a few hints on getting your subscription cancelled [sic]. Please read these instructions before trying anything else.
Well, those instructions were unhelpful and basically said, "You're on your own."

After another round of emails in the last couple of days, I finally called RRW's local office. I dutifully pressed 0 to talk to a real person, and waited on hold for a few seconds while my call was being routed to the correct department.

The man who answered sounded very friendly and helpful. I told him that I seem to have gotten myself onto some mailing list from which I could not easily unsubscribe, and asked if he could help.

Him: <sigh> "You're on the LISTSERV, correct?" [I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. I got the distinct impression—and this is just my interpretation, mind you—that I'm by no means the first person who has called to complain about this.]

Me: Yes.

Him: <sigh> "I'll need your full name and your email."

Me: <gives this information>

Him: <repeats the information correctly>

Me: "That's correct."

He told me he would get the information to the right people and asked if there was anything else he could help me with. There wasn't, so I hung up after thanking him and wishing him a nice day.

So, why was the process so easy for the senators and so stupidly, nonsensically complicated for the representative? Is this why it took two extra weeks to get a response? Because his staff is busy taking phone calls from the last few hundred people stupid enough to email him?

So here's a helpful tip: When emailing a government official, do what I should have done and create a throw-away email so that you can do just that: throw it away. It's easier than jumping through the hoops. I recommend Sneakemail, by the way. I've been using them for many, many years, and I can't recommend them highly enough.

This experience demonstrates why you should never, ever give out your real email. Give them a Sneakemail address and have that forward to your real one. And if you get spam on the Sneakemail address, delete it and create another one. Easy!

Why didn't I? Because like an idiot, I thought elected officials had to abide by certain rules of ethics. Yeah, I know. I'll never make that mistake again.

And now to try to figure out why the Spam on another of my accounts has increased by about 500% over the last month or two.

It's a never-ending battle.
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Monday, May 23rd, 2011 06:54 pm
Some things, I believe, are not "intended" for man—or Man—to understand.

One of them is, I am sure, the thought processes that go on inside the brains of spammers (As an aside, does one actually capitalize spam when one is not talking about tasty canned meat but instead of the electronic equivalent of the white food-like substance ("creme") inside a Twinkie, or does one lowercase it? And if one capitalizes Spam, does one then also capitalize Spammer? These are merely two examples of thoughts that keep me awake at night.).

"Now, hold on," some of you are thinking. "What evidence do you possess which would convince a reasonable person that there are, indeed, any thought or thought-analogous processes which occur inside the brains of a spammer (or Spammer)?"

To that question, I answer, "None. Now shut up and keep reading."

I just received a spam (or Spam, but not the tasty meat-byproduct-in-a-can) whose subject line simply said, and I quote
Your academic probation has expired.
Now, on the one hand, this was fairly easily identifiable as spam/Spam because 1) I'm not a student, 2) I have never been on academic probation, and 3) the from address contained something like 'pimpy0b00ty.com,' which, last I checked1 was not an accredited bastion of higher learning. Or lower learning. Or, really, any learning at all.

So, yeah. <presses DELETE button>

But here is where the cognitive dissonance set in.

The purpose of Spam/spam is, undoubtedly, to entice the reader into opening the email and to subsequently click the link contained therein, thereby either 1) alerting the {S|s}pammer that the email was a valid one and can therefore be included on lucrative lists of valid emails, 2) installing malware onto the user's computer, 3) completely zombifying the user's computer and making it part of a global bot-net that sends out [Choose one: □ S    □ s]pam to other email addresses that have been 'verified' as 'valid,' 4) promoting some product, 5) coercing the user into volunteering personal information ('phishing'), or 6) scamming the recipient out of money.

I personally believe that #5 is the overarching goal, and that perhaps #6 is merely a subset of #5. There is ample evidence that it works. Estimates of monetary losses due to phishing and such scams as the Nigerian Scam are in the high hundreds of millions to billions of dollars per year.

So with those facts2, the question one has to ask oneself is this:
What does the $pammer gain by sending this email?
Given the amount of $pam I receive pushing Viagra of some description, diplomas, and replica watches, these have to be lucrative. They wouldn't keep doing it if it weren't, right? $pam is big business, and the top people make crap-tons of money off it. I mean, somewhere out there must be thousands of men sporting the unlikely trio of a painful erection, a diploma from "Havard" or "Yail" or "Oxferd," and wearing a Roll-X watch. To impress the ladies, of course. Nothing says, "hold me down and ravage me" like an Ivey Leeg degree, a watch that's right twice every 482 years, and a priapism caused by the ingestion of potentially toxic amounts of "hepparin" or some "herb" that "the Chinese" have "trusted" for "over 5000 years, so it must be good!"3

So what vanishingly small demographic are they hoping to entice to open the message so provocatively titled "Your academic probation has expired"?

It boggles the mind is what it does.

  1. I have never checked that site, really. No, really.
  2. They were not intended to be factual statements, but merely truthy, although I did actually research them for all of 20 seconds.
  3. Individual result may very.
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Thursday, August 26th, 2010 07:47 am
Over the past couple of weeks, I've gotten a bunch of spam with the following pattern for the subject line:
<Famous Person> died
For instance:
Kanye West died
Justin Timberlake died
Jay-Z died
Brad Pitt died
Angelina Jolie died
J.K. Rowling died
Johnny Depp died
Jennifer Lopez died
What I found interesting about this is first of all who the spammers put in their "famous person that, upon hearing they died, naïve people would open the email without looking at who it's from" list. It is an interesting list. The one that probably would have gotten me was J. K. Rowling. It didn't, of course, because that particular email was from Woodrow Otero, which, while it is an interesting name, is not the name of a person I know. Nor is the email address "Mr. Otero" used.

Second, I found this amusing when I carefully opened them to see the contents and found that all of them have exactly the same text inside except for the name:
<Famous Person>died along with 34 other people when the Air Force CT-43 "Bobcat" passenger plane carrying the group on a trip crashed into a mountainside while approaching the Dubrovnik airport in Croatia during heavy rain and poor visibility.

Please see attachment
And not only were they identical right down to the Dubrovnik reference, each of them had a different name at the front, and that name didn't match what was in the subject of the email.

So, the body was identical, and even though the subject said "Justin Timberlake died," the body said "Madonna" or "Gwen Stefani" or "Ronaldinho" (whoever that is).

Third, each of them had an attachment called "News.html". In all the ones I checked, "News.html" had the exact same 64-bit encoding, so it's identical.

Finally, the thing I found most interesting about this particular class of spam is that...well, it is compelling. :) "OH MY GOD! J. K. Rowling died? What happened‽" <click>

I wonder what that says about those of us for whom this is true?

And I wonder what it says about the spammers that they're so effective at taking advantage of this quirk of human nature?

 The Humanist Hour #53: Bill Nye the Science Guy, Humanist of the Year by Humanist Network News, (c) American Humanist Association from Humanist Network News Podcast (Rating: 0)
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Thursday, August 27th, 2009 05:06 pm
From a Nigerian Scam email I got, only this one claims to be from China. Methinks someone doth protest too much:
I am aware of the consequences of this proposal. I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive. If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. You may not know this but people like myself who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come ones' way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my destiny. These chances won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank. I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Let's share the blessing.
So...I should call his bank and report him right away, right? I mean, that's what I get from reading this....

The sad part is that these emails are getting to be a significant part of my daily Spam. How many deposed leaders' widows are there in the world? How many dying, selfish, rich people could there possibly be who have suddenly found God and want to give me all their worldly possessions in the few, short months before they die?

I wish I had the kind of time it takes to play with these people. Scamming the scammers is something that definitely appeals to me.
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Thursday, June 25th, 2009 12:46 pm
My Dearest, Darling Spammers,

Sending me an email with a subject line of "Didn't we arrange meeting?" might—might—get me to read it1, if it weren't for one really insanely stupid2 thing you did.

You spoofed my own account as the 'from' address.3


With deepest love and kindest regards,4

Your shmoopie-woopie,6 me.
  1. If this were an alternate universe in which that subject bore any resemblance to the grammar anyone with which I would willingly hang out would inflict upon the world.
  2. Golly! English is so inadequate, sometimes. Alas, I'm trying to keep this "family friendly." Otherwise I'd use words like "batshit insane" or "fucking retarded." Good thing I'm not using those.
  3. And I'm neither schizophrenic nor a sufferer of MPD.
  4. If this weren't "family friendly," I might have said "fuck off and die in infinite agony." Good thing I didn't.
  5. There is no number 5.
  6. I heard this used in a podcast and thought it was the schmarmiest thing I have ever heard anyone use as an endearment. So of course I couldn't resist using it.
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009 05:23 pm
Disclaimer: This really is how my mind works. Try not to be afraid.

I've been getting a series of Spam emails on one of my accounts, and they all have a certain...similarity to one another:
uplift your couch experience
hoist your lover bed experience
support your lover bed experience
heave your darling sexual times
raise your lover night adventures
hoist your sweet bed times
heave your darling sexual times
boost your lover couch adventures
boost your darling night experience
raise your lover sexual experience
Based just on what I've received on this one account where all these arrived in the last three or so days, I'm guessing these are their rules to generate subject lines:




%Adjective2% %Noun%

%Verb% your %Adjective1% %SexEuphemism%
%Verb% your %SexEuphemism%
How unimaginative. I'd like to suggest a few...improvements.
bear aloft
And those adjectives! So uncreative. So...stupid. So..."English is not anywhere near my first language." They all have to go.
Good...good, that's shaping up nicely. Now, that second set of adjectives! So...unimaginative.
kitchen counter
50-yard line
Awright! Now, we're cookin'. Finally, those nouns...<sigh>
There we go! All better, now. Now we could "fulfill your sensuous elevator fantasies" or "arouse your passionate 50-yard line escapades."

At least that would be entertaining. But no. Spammers got no imagination.

They should let me design these—

Wait! What the hell am I saying? Gaaaaah!
kaasirpent: (Spam)
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 01:30 pm
The scammers are getting more savvy by the day. Of course, they still use bad grammar and completely transparent techniques if you know what to look for. I have included the latest one I received on my Yahoo account. I'm betting about 10% of my Yahoo Spam is Nigerian scams of one form or another. I read ones with interesting subject lines to see what they're up to.

This one is amusing in its inventiveness. It's a Nigerian scam, but a fairly ingenious attempt at using the notoriety of Nigerian scams to try to trick the reader into believing it's not a Nigerian scam! Clever, eh? Instead, it tries to trick the recipient into believing that they were incorrectly identified as the victim of a Nigerian scam and are due to receive $900,000US in compensatory payment. All they need, of course, is your bank account number, telephone number, and mailing address. And, I'll bet, a little up-front cash to "grease the gears" before the $900,000 can be cleared for transfer. And then a little more, because complications were encountered. And then a little more because the regime changed, and now.... <ad nauseam>

I'd highlight all the grammar errors, but it'd be one big highlight. Suffice to say Jürgen is curled into a fetal ball and whimpering.
From United Nation Representative Tue Apr 14 08:39:23 2009
Return-Path: <info@scam.net>
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:39:23 +0800
From: United Nation Representative <info@scam.net>
Reply-to: scamvictimemails1@yahoo.com.hk
To: undisclosed-recipients:;


This is to bring to your notice that I am
a delegate from the United Nations to The
IMF (International Monetary Fund) West Africa
Regional Payment Office to pay 521 scam victims
$900,000 USD (Nine Hundred Thousand Dollars only)
each. You are listed and approved for this payment
as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount,
get back to me as soon as possible for the immediate
payments of your $900,000.00 USD compensations funds.
On this faithful recommendations, I want you to know
that during the last U.N. meetings held at Abuja,
Federal Republic of Nigeria, it was alarmed so much
by the world in the meetings on the lost of funds by
various individual to scam artist operating
in syndicates all over the world today.

In other to compensate these victims, the U.N Body
is now paying 521 victims ofthis operators $900,000
USD each in accordance with the U.N.recommendations.

Due to the corrupt and in-efficient Banking Systems
in Federal Republic of Nigeria, the payments are to
be paid by UN officials sitting at IMF (International
Monetary Fund) West Africa Regional Payment Office as
corresponding payment centre under funding assistance
by United Nation body.

According to the number of applicants at hand, 284
Beneficiaries has been paid, half of the victims are
from the United States, and we still have more 237
left to be paid the compensations of $900,000 USD each.
Your particulars was mentioned by one of the Syndicates
who was arrested as one of their victims of the operations,
you are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this
message to him for any reason what so ever as the U.S.
Secret service is already on trace of the other criminals.
So keep it secret till they are all apprehended. Other victims
who have not been Contacted can submit their application as well
for scrutiny and possible consideration. You can receive
your compensations payments via.


Indicate your option and send your full Name and telephone
number/your correct mailing address where you want us to send
the compensation to.

To UN Representative: Dr Kelly Omoregie.

Phone: +234-7069301152
Email: scamvictimemails1@yahoo.com.hk
I shall feed you with further modalities as soon as I hear from you.

Yours faithfully,
Dr kelly Omoregie
United Nation Representative
This is complete and exactly as I received it. I even left the email addresses intact. Notice that it (purportedly) comes from "info@scam.net"! Scam.net is actually a legitimate company, or so it appears. Hard to say since they're "under construction." But still, if you received this, kinda believed it, and decided to check out 'scam.net' and found out they apparently do (or will do) media processing, would you not wonder why a media processing site sent this? <shaking head sadly>

It's unbelievable to me that people still fall for this stuff, but millions if not billions of dollars are lost from the US every year because people fall for stuff like this. It makes me wonder why all the major news shows haven't done a joint debunk to try to keep some of that cash in the country so we can pay taxes on it to pay for more bailouts so billionaire bankers can have their yachts reupholstered in gray chinchilla because the chocolate chinchilla from 2006 is so five minutes ago.

Maybe they could disguise the whole thing as a reality show. That way, people would watch it in droves, and as an added bonus, they might actually learn something!

Hey! That's a good idea! A reality show on the side of good instead of...what they are now.

Must ponder more.

(Oh, and if you're wondering about the subject line of this post: according to SpamCop, this Spam originated somewhere in Singapore.)
kaasirpent: (YouTube)
Sunday, December 14th, 2008 12:09 am
So I got this Spam message that has the subject line
Give her pleasure with every inch of your giant instrument.
and all I can think is that this guy must have to beat the honeys off with a stick.
kaasirpent: (The Funny)
Monday, November 19th, 2007 01:58 am
While I was typing that last post, Semagic (the client I use for LJ posts) was going nuts. Words were appearing out of nowhere. As I got more frustrated, it got worse. I was picturing a horrible virus on my computer and some 13-year-old kid with audible pimples and a zombie net of several hundred computers using my new computer *geeky chord* as a tool to send out his nefarious spam.

Then I realized that I had inadvertently turned on the voice-recognition software and it was attempting to translate the sounds it was hearing into English text. The sounds of me typing, the chair squeaking, me mumbling, and...*ahem* singing along with my mindtrack.

Once I realized what was going on, I decided to see if it had remembered all that training I put it through back in August. As its mistakes got worse and worse, I got more and more tickled. Finally, I was laughing hysterically, unable to stop, barely able to breathe, and with each new hilarious transcription of my laughter as some English phrase, I laughed all the harder. I finally had to leave the room to calm down. Hereinafter is an exact transcription of me attempting to get the computer to type "Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party." And then cursing at its incompetence...and then dissolving into hopeless laughter for most of 10 minutes. Enjoy.

NATO and the time for holding than to come to the aid of their party admittance to the fact that all have the time now to time now. The time and now, he isn't the kind of it as a dns in this ... IDs has enhanced followed your condition at you, thank you do and what you get out the kid in a row of data that the setup at the thought that are at the same time, but rather the setup at the site at that time, but at the hhow does a better grasp of asp the suspect that the back of the [about this a can identify the type of thing to do not have an attempt at a time and at , the president of the fact I decided I'd say the attacks and the sentences but it has been said and at the hospital at the site of the bride's and a half-life, and at the end of act up, but the intent of the tactic , the end of the the content of the top of them, and if the data for and what about the specifics of the cotton to the state of the Cincinnati citizen, the own it and newest at an act as a set of them have dumped on the other side effects of data on the time, the less of them up or shut up and down , citizens of the Internet and Clinton , the seventh of the own citizen or conduct the set of what happened if the up and fact it a ten minute whole , a table at a rate of passion to the front, the Clinton plan , half a dozen , and of the side of this and the guys in the open for them for a few of the citizen that the that it at the fact the citizen Clinton picked the zone, but that an FA decked out about the impact of the sock , that's a button but had bottomed out and not the same thing , it can to mitigate the low, and that an endowment that I'm for alternate and the data, the data what a lot of the button at a time , the life of a button, a, a a a a dns this setup of the site of the same time and conduct of the vote of the content and the data, but conduct outside of the button, the conduct of the end of it and what of data, fact that a lesson that a ten-by to brighten the sentences in Cincinnati, at the end of the bed and the own daughter, the consent of the the lesson , can sit here from it and the data that you need any , the lips, and a nine to six and went went with it and a lot , fax us at the end of the fact that he said that it can't have it, and Feinstein the clicks of the site at the time to time,@@@@@@@, set up the pace at the bottom of the car, and the Brandon the data, and an fact, it said he'd forgotten that act, and it has the leading , to an end to it and it hasn't done and ten , the long and the hall at The key would be at six and get a ticket
I mean, seriously. "Feinstein"? What the hell? :) I haven't laughed this hard in months. I got an abdominal cramp.

I think we see how spammers generate those random emails, now. They just hook up a voice recognition package and then watch The Three Stooges.1 It interprets their laughter and the result is 95% of what you get in your inbox.

As a side note, it seems rather infatuated with Clinton and Cincinnati, does it not?
  1. I presume, here, that all spammers possess a Y chromosome and are in that percentage of said Y-chromosome-possessors that does not include me who finds The Three Stooges the least bit amusing. YMMV.