It's time once again for...Spam Poetry™

[kaasirpent]

For those of you who've come in late, I occasionally take the subject lines from spam I've received recently and arrange them into...what passes for poetry. My "rules" basically are that I transcribe the subject line exactly, eliminating any extraneous crap such as random characters at the beginning or end, and I can add punctuation and play with spacing. Other than that, it's pretty much untouched. Enjoy.

Oh, and since these aren't always entirely work-safe:

I call this first one Stalker

hello
Hello?
look behind you
i saw you today
Just sitting there
i didn't mean to

This one I call Every Man's Dream

"Want a BIG Penis?"
gigantic
EXTRA-TIME - last 5-10 times longer!!!
herbal pill will actually ENLARGE your penis up to 30%
what a neat little item

And here is Something For Nothing

Get 500 USD by Tomorrow
Get FREE money to shop!
Get your Instant Play & $100 from 7Sultans!
Get a free sony playstation portable
Get a Free Sony CyberShot Digital Camera!
Get a Free Samsung 42' HDTV
Get A DVD Player
Get a FREE Nokia Phone and Accessories
Christian Satellite TV. Only $1 per day!
(Learn about Pope John Paul II)
     Boo!
The Lowest Car Prices Instantly!
GiantPriceCuts
We are giving away a Grill!
We are Giving Away Ice Cream
We are Giving Away Ice Cream!

Ah, my spammers. They're so concerned about my sex life. I call this one Crusty:

Spring is Here.. Now Find A Date
Amatuer Match
Aged to perfection, mature women bare all!
seriously into fetishes?
crusty grannies go h'core
Dripping creampies
Banned in 12 countries
did you?
disgusting!
What a mess
Have her swallow it!

Several solutions for you:
A Sample of Blistex
A Sample from PURELL

Finally, they admit that if you were to actually take their advice and go for some of these women, you might need serious medication. I give you What Are You Waiting For?

Looking for that one girl
Thousands of New Single Women.. What are you waiting for?
     Stupid Slut in peerrvt action
     ~*~ College Girl Webcams ~*~
Horny pills - 75% OFF
Private Medication Now
Medicines and Pills prescribed online and shipped to you discreetly

Of course, there's this one:

Win $10,000. Poetry Contest- Enter Now.

Are they trying to tell me something? ;)

Comments

[dorsai.livejournal.com]

crusty grannies go h'core

Dammit!

Time to scrub the mind's eye again. With a brillo pad.

[d0minique.livejournal.com]

spam poetry rocks. i wish i had the same kind of gibberish generator they use (other than my own brain doused with excessive amounts of alcohol and other toxic substances). here's a recent spam i received, completely unedited by me:

Before its too late make your peace with GOD, and make sure the ones you love do also.



Accept him.

Repent.

Get baptized.

And have a nice eternity.

[kiteflier98.livejournal.com]

That was amusing, thanks!