It Ain't Right

[kaasirpent]

Y'know...I've heard some strange and wondrous stories in my time. And I've also seen some horrible stories that turn my stomach.

But I don't think I've ever been more baffled by a story.

The headline is: Kansas Police: Woman Pried from Boyfriend's Toilet After Sitting on it for 2 Years

Now, make no mistake: this is a real story, and that is not a typo. The article is here or you can read the text here:

3/12/08: WICHITA, Kan. — Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

"She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said.

She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

The case has been the buzz Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

"I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

"It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said of the bathroom incident. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."

You know, "a bit earlier." Like maybe 18 months instead of 2 years. <scoff>

However, this story doesn't stop here. Oh, no. No, indeed. You see, it seems that the ever-lovin' boyfriend who mysteriously left his girlfriend sitting on the toilet for two years has won the lottery not once, but twice, this year. As before, the article is here or you can read the text here:

10/7/2008: GREAT BEND, Kan. — A Kansas man whose girlfriend was physically stuck to the toilet in their home wins $20,000 in the state Lottery — for the second time this year.

Kory McFarren of Ness City cashed in his winning $2 Bonus Crossword ticket in Great Bend Monday. On July 29, the 37-year-old McFarren received six months of probation after pleading no contest to misdemeanor mistreatment of a dependent adult.

McFarren called Ness County deputies in February to report that his girlfriend, Pam Babcock, had refused to come out of the bathroom for two years. Authorities found her stuck to the toilet.

Medical personnel estimated Babcock had been on the toilet for at least a month and said the seat had adhered to sores on her body. She was released from a Wichita hospital after several months of treatment.

The only thing I can say to that is: TANJ.

Clearly, most of us are doing something wrong in our lives. I mean, besides my not playing the lottery, I mean. :) Maybe I could win it twice if I, you know...bought tickets, like, ever. :)

But it just seems like the Universe is out there laughing right now. Just to prove some cosmic point.

And it also goes to show writers that no matter how bizarre you think some plot you've dreamed up is, it can't hold a candle to the real world when it comes to sheer, baffling weirdness. If I had written those stories, none of you would have believed them. "That's preposterous!" you would have cried. And rightly. Because they are.

Comments

[ooooh-shiney.livejournal.com]

Wow. You just couldn't make this stuff up if you tried.

TANJ is right!