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OK, the whole Kanye West thing.
Beyond having heard the name before, I had no idea—and still don't, really—who the man was before he did what he did.
Same goes for Taylor Swift. I have never heard any of her music before and had only heard her name mentioned in the context of Felicia Day's music video "(Do You Want To Date My) Avatar" unseating one of Swift's videos for the #1 spot on iTunes the day it was released.
I don't have cable and even if I did, I would have avoided the award show in question like a bubonic rat.
I also sort of abandoned reading Twitter almost a month ago, so I didn't see it on there.
I heard all the furor second-hand through someone's FaceBook. I looked it up. I watched the video. I sat, like everyone else, in stunned shock.
Kanye West is a complete, utter douchebag.
The way Taylor Swift handled it afterward was extremely classy.
The way Beyoncé Knowles handled it was also extremely classy.
West's appearance on the Leno show was beyond pitiful. Did anyone actually believe he was contrite?
Swift's appearance on The View was classy.
President Obama was 100% correct—even if it was off the record—in his assessment that West is "a jackass."
OK, that's out of the way, now. Here comes the cynicism.
The three performers in question—Swift, West, and Knowles—are getting a crap-ton of free publicity out of this. It strikes me that no one is really losing out. Sure, people are calling West names, but I'm told he's done stunts like this before. It's clearly part of his publicity machine, like Madonna and her more outré behavior.
Swift can use this for at least the next couple of weeks (if not longer) and come across as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, Heidi, and Mary Poppins all rolled into one.
Knowles can also continue to play off her act of kindness and be held up as a paragon of virtue.
It's publicity gold. No, not gold: platinum. With whipped cream and cherry on top.
MTV are morons if they don't capitalize on this. Next year, they need to advertise the hell out of the fact that West, Knowles, and Swift will all be present. They'll need to start in...May. Maybe April. Really build it up, like SyFy does their craptastic pieces of crap movies. Get one of those guys with the deep, movie-fone voices to do the voice-over so it sounds dramatic. Feature close-ups of their faces from this year's awards as the event happened, live. With a CSI-style chord as each face appears on the screen.
And they need to have an award presentation—a big, important one—that is done by West and Swift. Together. They'll come out from opposite sides of the stage, walk to the center of the stage to the podium, give each other a long look...and then Swift needs to hug him. A big, real, genuine, gleaming-teeth-blinding-people-in-the-front-row hug that threatens to squeeze the vinegar and water out of the douchebag.
The audience will go wild. They'll hoot, holler, "Awwwww!", cry, laugh, boo...you name it, they'll do it. The two artists will then break the embrace and step up to the podium. West will start to read the cue cards, and then out of nowhere, Knowles will step up, take his microphone, and say, "I'm sorry, I'm going to let you finish in a second, but I just gotta say...."
At this point, it won't matter what she actually says. Because not only will the entire audience be in an uproar, but so will the millions of viewers tuned into MTV.
Alternatively, Swift could draw back her leg and jam her pointy-toed shoe as far up West's scrotum as physically possible, then read the cue cards her damn self. While he writhes in pain on the floor.
So, really, MTV, if you're reading this, I'll expect my check in the mail sometime soon. My rates are reasonable. $5000/hour. I've been typing this for about 30 minutes, so have your people call my people. We'll do blah blah blah.
Beyond having heard the name before, I had no idea—and still don't, really—who the man was before he did what he did.
Same goes for Taylor Swift. I have never heard any of her music before and had only heard her name mentioned in the context of Felicia Day's music video "(Do You Want To Date My) Avatar" unseating one of Swift's videos for the #1 spot on iTunes the day it was released.
I don't have cable and even if I did, I would have avoided the award show in question like a bubonic rat.
I also sort of abandoned reading Twitter almost a month ago, so I didn't see it on there.
I heard all the furor second-hand through someone's FaceBook. I looked it up. I watched the video. I sat, like everyone else, in stunned shock.
Kanye West is a complete, utter douchebag.
The way Taylor Swift handled it afterward was extremely classy.
The way Beyoncé Knowles handled it was also extremely classy.
West's appearance on the Leno show was beyond pitiful. Did anyone actually believe he was contrite?
Swift's appearance on The View was classy.
President Obama was 100% correct—even if it was off the record—in his assessment that West is "a jackass."
OK, that's out of the way, now. Here comes the cynicism.
The three performers in question—Swift, West, and Knowles—are getting a crap-ton of free publicity out of this. It strikes me that no one is really losing out. Sure, people are calling West names, but I'm told he's done stunts like this before. It's clearly part of his publicity machine, like Madonna and her more outré behavior.
Swift can use this for at least the next couple of weeks (if not longer) and come across as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, Heidi, and Mary Poppins all rolled into one.
Knowles can also continue to play off her act of kindness and be held up as a paragon of virtue.
It's publicity gold. No, not gold: platinum. With whipped cream and cherry on top.
MTV are morons if they don't capitalize on this. Next year, they need to advertise the hell out of the fact that West, Knowles, and Swift will all be present. They'll need to start in...May. Maybe April. Really build it up, like SyFy does their craptastic pieces of crap movies. Get one of those guys with the deep, movie-fone voices to do the voice-over so it sounds dramatic. Feature close-ups of their faces from this year's awards as the event happened, live. With a CSI-style chord as each face appears on the screen.
And they need to have an award presentation—a big, important one—that is done by West and Swift. Together. They'll come out from opposite sides of the stage, walk to the center of the stage to the podium, give each other a long look...and then Swift needs to hug him. A big, real, genuine, gleaming-teeth-blinding-people-in-the-front-row hug that threatens to squeeze the vinegar and water out of the douchebag.
The audience will go wild. They'll hoot, holler, "Awwwww!", cry, laugh, boo...you name it, they'll do it. The two artists will then break the embrace and step up to the podium. West will start to read the cue cards, and then out of nowhere, Knowles will step up, take his microphone, and say, "I'm sorry, I'm going to let you finish in a second, but I just gotta say...."
At this point, it won't matter what she actually says. Because not only will the entire audience be in an uproar, but so will the millions of viewers tuned into MTV.
Alternatively, Swift could draw back her leg and jam her pointy-toed shoe as far up West's scrotum as physically possible, then read the cue cards her damn self. While he writhes in pain on the floor.
So, really, MTV, if you're reading this, I'll expect my check in the mail sometime soon. My rates are reasonable. $5000/hour. I've been typing this for about 30 minutes, so have your people call my people. We'll do blah blah blah.
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