Another Follow-Up on the Fender Bender

[kaasirpent]

I left my car with the body shop/Geico inspection center last Friday morning. As of today, one week later, I had not heard from them other than receiving the estimate ($1830+) a couple of days ago. So I called.

He said he was going to try very hard to get my car done by the end of today. Apparently, it was ready for painting, and that's all that was left to do.

Well, I haven't heard from them, yet, and it's now closing in on 4:30. They close at 6:00. If they don't call me before 5:00, there is no way it will be physically possible for me to make it there before they close for the week.

Have I mentioned that I hate this rental Toyota? Because I hate it. Hate. It. As in loathe. As in DIAF, loathsome Corolla! I said the other day that it was a Camry, but I erred. It is a Corolla. I can only guess that in Japanese, "Corolla" must mean "tiny, uncomfortable vehicle not meant for fat Americans." I probably shortened "Corolla" to "Camry" because "Camry" is a smaller word, and this Corolla is tiny, cramped, and uncomfortable.

The Cobalt was a better car. Yeah, that's right. I said it. So there.

I have actual aches and pains associated with having to enter, exit, and drive this sardine can of a car. And what's more, I left my garage door opener in my Element, so I have to get out of the car and manually raise and lower the garage door, which blows goats.

Comments

[dorsai.livejournal.com]

OK...I was wondering how you could be hating on a Camry, but it makes sense if it's a Corolla. My grandmother has one of those, and it's awful.

[chalain.livejournal.com]

Actually, "Toyota" is Japanese for "Americans are HUUUUGE!" Corolla is Japanese for "HAHAHAHAAAA!"

I owned a 4Runner, their SUV entry, a while back. It's not the size of Pluto like a Chevy Tahoe or a Pontiac Aztek, but neither does it appear to be a pocket-size vehicle like a Geo Tracker or anything made Kia, ever. I'm kind of American-shaped myself (I was just a shade under "morbidly obese" at 240lb back then), so by no means svelte, but I didn't have a size problem so I assumed it was like a regular SUV.

So anyway, one day I offered a coworker a ride home. To protect his identity and my safety, let's call this coworker Alan. "Hey Larry," I said to Alan, "you want a ride home?" Now, Alan was 6'4" and weighed 430lb. I know this because I asked him once. The question began with "Holy SHIT, dude..."

I got into the driver's seat, popped the locks, and Alan opened the door. What happened next sort of happened in slow motion. Alan put one foot in the 4Runner, heaved his weight in, started to sit down... and got stuck. His momentum, as you might imagine, was having none of this stopping business, and so even as he hollered he continued to sink down into the deathtrap that was my truck. The hollering was interrupted by a loud THUNK noise as his ear slammed into the roof of the 4Runner; even hunched down for entry he was still half a head too tall to fit in. The THUNK stopped the hollering, but this was soon replaced by some very passionate swearing.

After a few seconds, Alan stopped swearing and just sat there, well and truly stuck, and glaring at me. I slowly became aware of the sound of uncontrollable laughter, and to my horror it was coming from me.

I'm a nice guy. I'm friendly. I'm helpful. I like to get along. I find it very easy to make and keep friends. But Alan hates my guts to this day.

Anyway, I can't remember why I told this story. Oh! I remember: Fat people aren't always so jolly.

Ksrsly: Sorry to hear about the Corolla. We own one now. My wife (who is 5'1") occasionally leaves the seat all the way forward. Let's just say that karma is a BITCH when it comes to my funny story. Repeatedly.

Small comfort, but: I really do enjoy your writing. Please keep it up!