Skippy's Random Thought: UFOs

[kaasirpent]

Hi, all. It's me, Skippy.

I love the mindset of UFO believers. Think about it: beings from another star travel quite literally trillions of miles across the treacherous vastness of space, possibly breaking the laws of physics, to come to Earth, an insignificant little speck of a place orbiting an unremarkable star.

And after they come all that way, what do they do?

1. Crash.
   
   

   So, let me get this straight. They came at the very least 50 or 60 light-years. They either did so in many generations or somehow managed to harness enough energy to propel their ship at relativistic speeds (so they would age a little while dozens or hundreds of years went by in the universe around them) or broke the laws of physics and got here basically instantaneously. And beings who have this high level of technology then enter Earth's atmosphere and can't handle it? Or crash into a windmill and lose control of their craft? And while we're using logic, what makes us think they'll think anything like us, look anything like us, or be able to breathe our air or eat anything that evolved on Earth?



2. Kidnap drunk rednecks for anal probing.
   
   

   I'm not even sure this rates a comment.



3. Cut chunks off cows.
   
   

   I've had some very tasty beef in my day. And it was worth driving a half-hour to get to a really good restaurant, or marinate and grill it myself. I don't know what you'd have to be high on to have the munchies bad enough for a trip that far. Not to mention that if they're seriously coming from another star to cut tongues, eyes, lips, udders, reproductive organs, and rectums off of cows, I have a bridge I'd like to sell them. No, seriously. Send them to me.



4. Draw pretty pictures in fields of grain.
   
   

   Because these technologically advanced, incredibly bored aliens like nothing more than to do the equivalent of drive from Nuwuk Lake, Alaska to Lago Navanno, Argentina (look 'em up!), get out of their car, and vandalize grain fields with alien graffiti. You gotta be druuuuuunk to do something like that.

Well, from this, we can conclude one thing unequivocally: if they have, indeed, visited Earth, as many UFO believers fervently claim, clearly they are interstellar frat boys and Earth is Fort Lauderdale.

Drunk, high, the munchies, and pulling asinine pranks? I'm just sayin'...

And that stuff they're making in the fields of grain? Obviously the equivalent of ΩΔΞ.