Skippy's Random Thought: UFOs

[kaasirpent]

Hi, all. It's me, Skippy.

I love the mindset of UFO believers. Think about it: beings from another star travel quite literally trillions of miles across the treacherous vastness of space, possibly breaking the laws of physics, to come to Earth, an insignificant little speck of a place orbiting an unremarkable star.

And after they come all that way, what do they do?

1. Crash.
   
   

   So, let me get this straight. They came at the very least 50 or 60 light-years. They either did so in many generations or somehow managed to harness enough energy to propel their ship at relativistic speeds (so they would age a little while dozens or hundreds of years went by in the universe around them) or broke the laws of physics and got here basically instantaneously. And beings who have this high level of technology then enter Earth's atmosphere and can't handle it? Or crash into a windmill and lose control of their craft? And while we're using logic, what makes us think they'll think anything like us, look anything like us, or be able to breathe our air or eat anything that evolved on Earth?



2. Kidnap drunk rednecks for anal probing.
   
   

   I'm not even sure this rates a comment.



3. Cut chunks off cows.
   
   

   I've had some very tasty beef in my day. And it was worth driving a half-hour to get to a really good restaurant, or marinate and grill it myself. I don't know what you'd have to be high on to have the munchies bad enough for a trip that far. Not to mention that if they're seriously coming from another star to cut tongues, eyes, lips, udders, reproductive organs, and rectums off of cows, I have a bridge I'd like to sell them. No, seriously. Send them to me.



4. Draw pretty pictures in fields of grain.
   
   

   Because these technologically advanced, incredibly bored aliens like nothing more than to do the equivalent of drive from Nuwuk Lake, Alaska to Lago Navanno, Argentina (look 'em up!), get out of their car, and vandalize grain fields with alien graffiti. You gotta be druuuuuunk to do something like that.

Well, from this, we can conclude one thing unequivocally: if they have, indeed, visited Earth, as many UFO believers fervently claim, clearly they are interstellar frat boys and Earth is Fort Lauderdale.

Drunk, high, the munchies, and pulling asinine pranks? I'm just sayin'...

And that stuff they're making in the fields of grain? Obviously the equivalent of ΩΔΞ.

Comments

[rpeate.livejournal.com]

I don't believe any of that. My *imaginary* idea about all of this is not space but time travel, that we are actually seeing future humans (funny how the aliens resemble what they say is happening to humans evolutionarily) traveling back in time within our atmosphere. Travelers in space would be detected far more frequently than they have been.

No; they start on Earth, come back in time to perform anthropological study, then return.

If they exist at all. That said, astronauts have reported seeing UFOs, emphasis on "U".

But I don't necessarily believe any of what I've just said either. That is just what I got from everything I've heard if any of it is true. What else could it be?

[kaasirpent]

I've read SF novels based on the idea, actually. One I remember is Millennium by John Varley, and it seems like Nighteyes by Garfield Reeves-Stevens might also have postulated that. I'm sure there are many others.

I've entertained the idea, myself. I guess it depends on which impossible-to-physics idea you consider less impossible: time travel or faster-than-light travel. :)

[cfred.livejournal.com]

Douglas Adams quite agrees with you. There's a passage in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy where Ford Prefect says he got a lift to Earth with a teaser. "'Teasers are usually rich kids with nothing to do. They cruise around looking for planets which haven't made interstellar contact yet and buzz them.… They find some isolated spot with very few people around, then land right by some poor unsuspecting soul whom no one's ever going to believe and them strut up and down in front of him wearing silly antennae on their head and making beep beep noises. Rather childish really.'"

[kaasirpent]

Well, if I agree with Douglas Adams, then I'm happy. :)

"The huge golden space ship hung in the air in almost exactly the way a brick doesn't."

I still giggle.

[rtropeano.livejournal.com]

Love this!